He is the gay one, right?
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there was a realm known as Eternia. On this strange planet lived a very special, very magical, and very clumsy creature known only as Orko. Very few know the truth behind this mysterious, seemingly retarded fellow. What is actually behind that purple scarf? What are intimate details of his love life? How has he managed to avoid death from Man-at-Arms poor temper, time and time again? All these questions and more will be answered as we take a peek into the private life of Orko, the man, the mystery.
Rumor has it that Orko was conceived during a brief fling between Dumb Donald from Fat Albert and a retarded midget. However, recent discoveries have proved that theory to be false. Orko is of the ancient race Trollian, from Trolla. A realm not too far from Eternia, and just next door to Bullshit. His father, an uncontrollable womanizer and alcoholic, left the family to fend for themselves when Orko was only but 3 years old. This might explain why Orko seems so insecure within in his life, and doesn't have the self-esteem to say to "No" to Prince Adam's constant anal rampages.
Upon reaching adulthood, Orko moved to Eternia where he took on a job at Snake Mountain as the inspector of Beastman's various venereal diseases. After catching a severe case of mouth warts, he decieded to leave to find work elsewhere. Using his skills as a magican, he became the new royal jester for the Palace of Eternia. He would perform such classic tricks as juggling wine cups and spilling them on Man-at-Arms, or floating rocks that would later fall on Man-at-Arm's feet.
Several theories exist as to why Orko never died at the hands of Man-at-Arms. Once source spoke of a time when Orko stumbled upon Man-at-Arms having incestual relations with his daughter Teela. Man-at-Arms was forced to cut a deal with Orko to be silent in regards to his tauntry affairs.
At one point in his life, Orko had some a tauntry affairs of his own. He fell in love with another Trollian named Dree Elle. The sex of this other mate remains unclear to this very day.
Still residing at the Palace of Eterinia, Orko lives a private life of celebrity. He was once quoted, "Reflecting on my years of servitude to Eternia has brought me great joy and many colon troubles..." No one but Orko himself knows the true mystery of his moronic behavior. Maybe Cringer knows, but we really don't feel like having to write anymore to this article. But who cares, not me, and certainly not you. Let us all kill ourselves...
Article was last edited on Sunday, August 17th, 2008 @ 5:16 PM
