The Pubic Terminator
For the past four or five years, blasted puberty has been cursing me with a non-stop growth of facial and body hair. Every morning I wake to a shadowed face staring back at me in the mirror. My bristly cheeks strike fear into the hearts of children and girlfriends everywhere. Thus I have to perform a self destructive chore; shaving.
The only tool that I ever used was cheap shaving cream and a disposable two bladed razor. After much labor and cuts, it eventually got the job done. Until now...
I came home one day to find a Gillette Mach3 razor resting upon the top of my dresser. It's packaging was intact, so I disregarded any thought that it could be a tampered product from my parents which was setup to kill me upon use. I set the new product aside, noting to use it the next morning.
Cut to the next morning as I am stepping out of the shower. My hand gently caresses my stubbly jaw. I glance down at my new possession, the Mach3. A thick layer of lathered cream adorns my face; the blade makes its first move. Gliding across my flesh like a silk sheet. I feel nothing, yet when it is all over, I am left with the cleanest shave ever. No cuts, no irritation.
I have yet to venture about and shave my ass with this new tool, but I am quite sure that if I did, a shimmering glow it would leave. Men, women, children, elderly, and unibombers alike; buy, steal, or kill for this razor. I rest my case.
Article was last edited on Saturday, August 9th, 2008 @ 9:46 AM
