Are you afraid of the Pubes?
Mankind, being the idiots that they are, manage to develop phobias for just about everything. I have cataloged a few of these common and uncommon fears in hopes that more people will acquire them.
Arachnophobia
Spiders are the creepiest fucking creatures spawned upon the earth. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. From tiny, white and wispy to big, dark and furry. While seemingly silent, I would imagine if one were to ever accidentally step on a big one, the spider would let out a bowel-moving scream. Bowel-Moving Scream. After which the hairy little bastard would fling itself from the ground onto your face and immediately inject all of its baby spider eggs into your brain.
Cockaphobia
Nothing is more frightening than a big, slimy, erect penis. This weapon of choice for most males is capable of striking fear into the hearts of population. Dogs and Farm animals have learned to run and hide at the very sight of it. Most human females seem to develop immunity to cock around the age of thirteen. (the day their father rapes them) Those fortunate few females that don't, usually end up as box-munching dikes or God loving nuns. (though one could say that metaphorically they are still sucking the dick of Jesus) Any male who doesn't have a healthy fear of his or other penises is most definitely a homosexual. (don't let em' fool yah, a straight dude may claim he is not afraid, but if you let your guard down he will grab it and jam it up his ass)
Coachaphobia
Every teenage girl's sports team will always have an array of older, creepy, male coaches. There are only two reasons why these men choose to coach teenage girls:
They believe that now that they are older and college educated they will be able to score with all the high school girls they were never able to get at before. Or at the very least, they will accrue more imagery to go and jack-off too.
The other half of the male coaching staff is blatantly gay. They have to coach the girls for fear of boy's locker room lawsuits that would occur with male teams.
Pubeophobia
Ever wake up in the morning with a short, dark, thick curly hair in between your front teeth? Ever find a little pube in your soup? Statistics say that 90% hair that is found in food, homes, and teeth is pubic hair. It doesn't matter if it is blue and looks like lint, 9 times out 10 it is a filthy pube from somebody's asshole. Beware the evils of this hair, for it came from a crotch that was banging a helpless dog the night before.
Well, that's it. I hope that you are now too frightened to leave your house, and end your life in fear with a bullet.
Article was last edited on Sunday, August 17th, 2008 @ 4:21 AM
